


Before Rolling The D.I.C.E.

by forbiddenorangepanta



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, First work - Freeform, Heavy Angst, My First Work in This Fandom, Other, Pre-Game Personalities (New Dangan Ronpa V3), Pre-game characters, im new at this sorry, sort of saiouma??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:55:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26837071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forbiddenorangepanta/pseuds/forbiddenorangepanta
Summary: Uhhhhh uhhhhh, hello, so I decided, hey….I really like Kokichi Ouma. Very in depth character, but with not much backstory. I think Kokichi is a complex character and a lot of people like him, so I decided to write him a pregame backstory combining some of my headcanons and headcanons that I’ve seen, since I’m not sure that anyone else has yet?? Just a couple things before you read:-these are all Pregame personalities, so I think that their in game characters are meant to be opposites of their Pregame characters so that’s why they are OOC compared to in the Killing Game-their Pregame personalities are sort of reflective of their insecurities cuz I think they all individually have some sort of backstory and/or trauma of their own-their names are the same since we don’t actually know what their PG names are-this is primarily focused on forming high school friendships and has explanations of some of the trauma he went through but I still wanted it to be open to a little interpretation so yeah, have fun :3
Relationships: Amami Rantaro & Oma Kokichi, Gokuhara Gonta & Oma Kokichi, Harukawa Maki & Oma Kokichi, Iruma Miu & Oma Kokichi, K1-B0 & Oma Kokichi, Momota Kaito & Oma Kokichi, Oma Kokichi & Everyone, Oma Kokichi & Saihara Shuichi, Oma Kokichi & Tojo Kirumi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	Before Rolling The D.I.C.E.

**Author's Note:**

> Also, since I’ve finished writing, but I’m sorry if it’s crappy, it’s the first fanfic I’ve written that I’ve completed that WASN’T a one shot OOF, OKAY I’LL STOP BABBLING NOW SORRY! Anyways, Kokichi Ouma’s Pregame Backstory orrrr let’s title it, Before Rolling The D.I.C.E. (Also the first thing I've posted on AO3, I'm sorry OOF). 
> 
> **There are actual spoilers for the V3 game that includes mention of character deaths, so please, don’t read if you haven’t finished the game!! <3**
> 
> [I own none of these characters, they all belong to Spike Chunsoft and this is a fanon - NOT CANON - story of my own interpretation, ideas and headcanons involving these characters]

Part 1

At most a short kid with purple-black hair would get picked on every now and again, since they didn’t exactly blend in with the crowd. But everyday I tried. I did what I could to get by and even then…for some reason people that I didn’t want to acknowledge me, acknowledged me anyway. Of course I had friends. Or at least, I did. It’s not easy to get by when the ones you cared about most decide it’d be better to turn on you. But that’s just the beginning. Because I used to be happy. Now, I don’t know anymore. Walking into school with the same plain uniform that every other guy had, a black button up with golden buttons and black slack, I hung my head low to avoid eye contact with anyone around me. After going to my locker to get what I needed for the day, I’d sit at my seat, somewhere in the middle but closer to the side of the room with the large window. I’d quietly keep to myself, either studying or playing a game on my phone to pass the time. Little by little the students will roll in. As well as my friends. Well… “friends.” 

“Kokichi!” I’d hear almost every day from the loud jock with the funny looking spiky haircut and maroon colored hair. 

I gave him the usual small smile, tilting my head sideways just a little to be nice. He walked in, his friends in tow. The girl with brown hair and ponytails that had red ribbons attached to either side, maybe a little too extroverted for her own good. The girl beside her, shy with blondish-pinkish hair when the light reflected off of it, the same unsure expressions she always wore. Then behind him, a boy with white hair, maybe a bit of a delinquent but never spoke out of line...unlike the other guy. The guy with maroon hair walked over to me, placing a hand on my head, and pressing down lightly while moving it in sideways motions. 

“How’s the little punk today?” he asked, as if he cared. 

“I...I’m alright—“ I started. 

“Good because I need to ask you for a favor again!” he interrupted. 

I replayed in my head the exact words he would say. 

‘So I forgot to do my homework, mind if you give me yours?’ I mentally sighed, and drew a breath inward, waiting for the same words to come out of his mouth. This would be the fourth time this week. I was teetering on a below average letter grade from the amount of missing homework assignments I had. Not to mention the amount of times I was caught giving a student the answers. I wasn’t the brightest but I had decent grades. Ones that teenagers need to get by. Because of that, I was always giving  _ him  _ the answers. 

“So little buddy, I didn’t do the homework, totally forgot. Mind if you give me yours?” he stated matter of factly. 

I practically mouthed his words. I was dead on. But why would I mind? He’s my friend right? I didn’t hesitate to grab my bag and pull out the homework for him in an instant, to which he grabbed it without a second thought. 

“Thanks!” he says cheerfully. 

“You know Kaito, one of these days he’s going to be absent. What are you gonna do then?” the girl with red ribbons said. 

“Don’t worry about it Maki. If he’s absent for a day, it won’t affect me too much, you know?” he responded back to her. 

I smiled awkwardly, this weird sort of ungenuine grin that was enough to pass off as normal. Kaito took his hand off my head, in which I got dizzy for a moment, not realizing how much pressure he’d actually put on me. I thought Kaito truly cared about me. That I was a friend of his and he was a friend of mine. I never realized how wrong I was until it was too late. He gave speeches on how friends should help other friends out, like by giving them their homework or running errands for them from time to time. How I need to earn a friendship because it isn’t just  _ given  _ to people. How I had to earn  _ his _ friendship. His whole friend groups friendship. Even so, it still made me smile. At least I wasn’t alone at school. At least it was somewhat better than at home. 

“You should take it easy on the blue boy, Kaito. After all, he is nice enough to give you the homework,” the boy with white hair and icy blue eyes said. 

“I’ve told him before though, it’s all about earning it. And why blue boy? Have you seen his hair? He’s a purple boy,” Kaito said with a small snicker. 

I laughed along with him, like the joke meant nothing. I wasn’t offended by that in the slightest but I couldn’t comprehend what Kaito could’ve meant. Maybe because I look so sickly that I’m slowly turning purple. That’s probably what it was. Even so, I chose to ignore it. 

“Y-You honestly think that K-Kaito would go easy on Kokichi? That’s a f-funny joke, Kiibo,” the girl with blondish hair said to the boy with white hair, as she fiddled with her own loosely and nervously. 

“It’s okay. I know Kaito isn’t being mean,” I finally spoke up, my voice sounding quiet in my own head, but being loud enough for the others to hear me. 

“Of course I’m not! You’re really gettin’ the hang of this little man! You shouldn’t worry so much Kiibo, even Miu knows!” Kaito said, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and squeezing a little too tightly for comfort. 

Maybe he just didn’t know the limits of his own strength? Yeah. I’ll tell myself that for now. Miu looked to Kiibo with an apologetic look on her face, to which Kiibo sort of just shrugged his shoulders. I never understood how the friendship amongst these four worked, but I convinced myself that even if it was weird, I was still their friend too. Within a few seconds, Kaito thankfully released me, and the bell for class rang. Miu gave me a small apologetic look as did Kiibo, which didn’t register with me at first. Their faces looked as if someone had kicked a dog right in front of their eyes, and forcefully too. They made their way to their seats, as the teacher walked in and started taking attendance. I noticed someone new had made their appearance in the class, but I guess they weren’t from a different school but just rather had their schedule changed. Even so, I made little doodles in my notebook, listening to the teacher list off each name, and interrupting to call out I was there when my name was announced. I listened for a moment, hearing the teacher list off an unfamiliar name. 

“Shuichi Saihara?”

“Here.” 

A boy with dark blue hair that sat just two desks away from me raised his hand. I turned my head to my right side, the side where the large window was. He sounded really eager and almost happy to be here. Maybe he actually enjoyed school? In any case, it didn’t matter to me all too much. Just the observation alone was all I needed. He would blend into the crowd of people around me anyway. Someone like him, mattered almost as much as I did. The only difference is, I don’t matter at all. Time passed easily through the class, taking notes as most people did, except for the few who had predetermined that school wasn’t really for them. My whole day went like a normal highschool student’s day, boring and unfulfilling. It wasn’t until the last bell rang for the day, that the anxiety started to set in again. This horrible and weird feeling turned in my stomach, my head swirled and the palms of my hands had this cold yet unsettlingly moist sensation. At the time, I never really understood why this feeling would come over me. Of course...now it’s different. Now I know why.

I got up from my seat as soon as the class bell rang, grabbing my things and walking over to the door with this uneasy feeling settling inside me. I didn't pay too much mind to it, and before I knew it, Kaito had showed up once again. The moment I made it to the front of the school building, he was waiting for me. Every day, it was the same routine. The same agonizing routine that I hadn’t realized was so dreadful and draining at the time. He greeted me with the same smile he always gave me, the one that’s different compared to the one he gave Maki or even Miu for that matter. He made no hesitation in striking up a conversation, one that I entertained because I thought he wanted to be my friend. He asked me to walk with him and his friends for a bit, which was new to me. He usually never asked me to walk with him. If only I knew. If only I knew what would come next and how to avoid it. Miu and Kiibo decided to break off with us midway, going to their own homes and walking separate ways. All that was left was Maki and Kaito. I paid no mind to it though, as Kaito kept up the conversation and Maki would usually respond. Although I tried answering him several times, he’d cut me off, to which I thought was just a mistake. I was wrong. It was completely intentional. When Maki walked away, walking down a separate path, I decided maybe I should go too. I didn’t want to be a bother to Kaito. So...why should I stick around? 

“Um, I’ll go now too. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I tried saying to him. 

“Oh no wait. Just walk with me a little longer, bro,” he said, slinging an arm around my shoulders. 

The unsettling feeling in my stomach grew larger, twisting and turning, threatening me to vomit up my lunch. I didn’t get it. This feeling of being alone with Kaito. I couldn’t tell what it was. The thoughts rumbling through my mind that maybe I should leave anyway. That something was clearly wrong here. I shoved my hands into my pockets, an awkward silence falling over us. Will he be mad if I leave though? Or will he be happy he got rid of someone like me? I couldn’t decide between the mess of thoughts jumbled up inside my brain. When all of a sudden, Kaito stopped walking. Dead in his tracks, he turned to me, the smile from his face fading. What…what was this? Ah. I know. Fear. Absolute Fear. 

He grabbed me by the collar of my uniform, slamming me against the brick wall not too far away from us. My head collided with the wall, making an unsettling noise as the breath in my throat was suddenly caught. I could feel his fingers slowly crushing the muscles around my neck, as the desperate need to breathe filled my head. My eyes went wide with what I assumed was horror but not shock. Of course. I knew no one cared about me enough to be my friend. Especially not Kaito. My smaller hands gripped at his, trying to pry it off but slipping easily. 

“Listen. We have a deal. You do my work, I don’t hurt you. You and I know we’re not friends. But they don’t need to know that,” he whispered in a threatening voice, slightly loosening the grip but then tightening it again. 

The single breath I got in during that moment where he loosened his grip was enough to keep conscious for now. However, my vision was getting hazy. Little black spots appearing and clouding over my vision like a foggy blanket. I reached out, desperate for help. It’s not like I could call anyone anyway. 

“You thought that just because I went a week without beating you up for not doing one of my homework assignments this week, you would get away with it?” he raised his voice, letting go of my throat as I collapsed to the floor, in a sit-down like position, my knees hitting the concrete first. 

No one was around to see us. Not a single person. I held on to my neck lightly, coughing and struggling to breathe. My eyes filled with tears from the lack of oxygen, and the sudden feeling of emptiness washing over me. 

“Don’t ever think you can get away with that again, got it? And that goes for my classwork too,” the words came out his mouth like piercing daggers. 

He kicked me swiftly in my face and I completely collapsed hard into the concrete. That’s when it made sense. Taking a brief look around, we were at an abandoned park. One that no one had been to in years. I hadn’t taken into consideration how secluded the area was. My observation skills failed because I managed to get in my own head too much. After he kicked me, I heard his footsteps travel further away from me. Further and further and further. Until I was alone. Again. Warm liquid trickled down my face and nose, my head filled with a bitter feeling of some sort of twisted euphoria. But it wasn’t euphoria. It was the warm blood seeping down the side of my face and back of my neck. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he cracked my skull with the amount of force he put into slamming me against the wall. The concrete was cool, contrasting to the warm feeling rushing over my body. This sensation almost felt pleasing. Like, I could let go, and be fine. I had to get up though. I needed to. 

I was stupid enough to think that Kaito was my friend for any moment. I spoke out of line too much. Rejected his instructions too often. I didn’t even want conflict but...it’s not as if I have a choice. Slowly and shakily, I lifted myself up from the nice, cool floor. The side of my face felt numb, as did the back of my head. My throat had this throbbing feeling that persisted and I silently hoped it wouldn’t leave a bruise. I didn’t need to hear my parents disapproval once again. My legs felt like gelatin from the horror I had just experienced. Maybe there was shock mixed in too, but I knew this would happen again eventually. I made my way back home, shaky legs and bleeding in many places. No. Not one person saw me. Until...someone did. I had taken a route in which I knew no one would see me, but I guess this time around, I was unfortunate enough to find someone. I still had blood dripping down my nose that I wiped with my hand a few times, since I refused to get a blood stain on my uniform. While trying to wipe it away though, I got some on it anyway. I could only imagine how much had trickled down my neck though, despite holding my head to try to stop the bleeding. 

No. That’s…the kid from earlier. 

I looked down, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. Out of all times, he had to see me like this? I didn’t need him or anyone taking pity on me. Not now at least. Not ever. 

“Hey!” he called out.

I averted my eyes, trying to pretend like I didn’t hear him. Surely, he would leave. Forget about me. Move on. Pretend to care. Then just go. Like everyone did. Everyone. 

“Hey uh...do you need some help?”

He made his way to me, and I guess his footsteps didn’t register with my ears because of the loss of blood flow from my head. I tried to ignore him. But it’s hard to ignore someone when they step directly in front of you. 

“You’re...bleeding a lot. What happened?” he asks me.

I refuse to make eye contact. My eyes stay fixed on the not so interesting ground below me. My shoes are looking pretty entertaining right about now. He puts a hand on my shoulder. Then two.  _ No. Get away from me. You...you don’t actually care. No one actually cares. You’re just like everyone else, I know it. _

“Your name is Ouma right? Ouma Kokichi?” he says to me softly. 

“Please…just go away,” I silently beg. 

I meant to say it in my head. But my mouth spoke first. 

“Why? Ouma-kun, you’re clearly bleeding a lot. Let me help you,” he responds. 

“Don’t you get it? Just leave me alone. I’ll take care of it myself, I’ll be fine,” I mutter bitterly, loud enough for him to hear it. 

He’s quiet for a moment. Maybe he’ll leave. No. He will leave. They always leave. 

”No. I won’t. Not now. You need help. Why won’t you let me help you?”

“Because you’re just pitying me! You don’t...actually...ca—“

I stumble backwards a little, and fall to the floor in a sit down position. Maybe I was losing too much blood this time? Maybe I won’t make it? If so…would it be so bad? Even as I fell backward, I finally got a good look at his face, even if it was a little hazy and blurry around the edges. Oh, so that’s what he looked like. Did he always wear that black hat?

“Ouma-kun! Listen, we need to get you to the hospital or something, quick,” he panics. 

Saihara. That’s his name right? Saihara Shuichi?

“It’s fine. I’m used to this. I just...if you take me to the hospital. There’s no point. They’ll just...yell at me...anywa—“

My eyes slowly started to shut, the warm feeling running over me once again, filling me up with this horrible yet releasing sensation. I was seeing black. Pure black. A distant voice as someone called out. Was he calling out to me? 

“Kokichi!”

Faintly. Very faintly I heard him. But, the blackness took me completely, feeling as though I was falling through thin air over and over again. Until I slowly gained consciousness in a familiar room. Of course. He took me here anyway. My eyes adjusted to the lackluster, pale yet bright lighting that burned into me. Maybe Kaito was trying to do me a favor by ending it all. Or maybe he really did miscalculate the amount of damage he put on me this time. Either way. It would leave marks. I knew it would. I didn’t want to know if he was still there or if I would have to face the disappointing faces of my parents. They usually never showed up anyways. So why would it matter? Those ceiling tiles that looked centuries old hung above me, taunting me. Reminding me why I was here again. They wouldn’t come. They were away again. On a “business trip.” Yeah. That’s what they called it. I hated this ceiling. It silently mocked me, saying  _ three times in one month? Impressive. A new record.  _ Or perhaps that was my own head. A pounding headache spread across the front and back of my head, inviting me to an uncomfortable consciousness.  _ Time to take the disappointed look around the room _ . I looked down to my feet, seeing my dark uniform and mismatched purple and black socks.  _ No one _ . I looked to my left. Heartbeat monitor and vital signs, with an empty chair.  _ Nothing _ . The moment of truth was when I turned to my left. I closed my eyes for a moment. Breathed in. Then out. As I reopened them, I looked to my right.  _ Of course _ . There was no one there. I looked down at the needle in my arm, sighing softly. Alone. Like always. 

“Uh...Ouma-kun? Are you awake?” someone asked.

That voice. He...was actually here? I looked at the edge of the bed to see he had appeared, almost out of thin air. Guess he must’ve just walked in then. My eyes widened in shock. He shouldn’t be here. He should’ve left me. Like they always do. I stared back at him, completely speechless. 

“Sai--” I cut my voice off.

It came out strangled, rough and coarse. It hurt to speak. To breathe even. I never would’ve imagined that Kaito could do this much damage to me. He would usually hold back. Just so he wouldn’t leave traces behind, so the others wouldn’t suspect anything. He really let loose this time around. I wanted to say his name. To confirm that that was in fact his name. But talking wasn’t a task I could complete right now. 

“Don’t speak, it’s fine. I know you said not to bring you here but you completely passed out and I panicked. And your breathing was kind of slowing down so I had no choice. I’m sorry if you didn’t want me to help, but I kind of needed to intervene. You don’t need to tell me what happened, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” he explained to me, tipping his hat down a little. 

So...it really  _ would _ have been the end for me. In that case...he should’ve left me there. I nod my head and gesture for him to come closer to me. At most, I could whisper right? Hesitantly, he walked over to me, and stood by my side. 

“Thanks, Saihara-kun,” I managed to get out. 

_ Thank you. But you shouldn’t have _ . 

He nodded his head in response. “It’s really no problem, I just didn’t think it would be very smart to leave you there, you know? I can leave now if you want me to, I might be bothersome to have around--” 

“No. It’s fine. You're fine. If you want to leave, go ahead. I won’t stop you. But I won’t stop you if you stay either,” I cut him off, straining my voice. 

“Um maybe you shouldn’t talk though. Your throat is bruised and I’m guessing that whatever happened had an effect on your vocal cords. Just uh relax. I can stay longer,” he explained to me further. 

I nodded my head again, and he sat down on the chair to the right of me. The last side I looked at when I thought I was alone. 

Part 2

While there was awkward silence that fell between us a lot since Shuichi wanted to keep me from talking too much, it was hard to completely understand the kind of person he was. There wasn’t a complete guarantee that he actually cared about me. No. He just felt bad. That’s all it was. He felt bad. 

“I know you probably can’t answer this, but do you know what Danganronpa is?” 

I cocked my head to the side. It sounded familiar. Wait. I might have seen something about it once or twice on TV. It was that killing game show wasn’t it? It started it off as just video games and then there was a brief anime series about it. Yeah, I’d heard of it. I hadn’t bothered to get too much into it though. I tried to speak up a little bit, my throat begging me to stay quiet. 

“Yeah, I don’t know too much but—“

“It’s fine, don’t strain your voice,” he reminded me. 

I nodded my head 

“I could explain it to you?” he said, but it’s more of a question. 

I nodded my head yes, probably a little too eagerly. Anything to fill the void of uncertain and awkward air. His eyes instantly lit up, and he straightened his posture. I guess he really liked Danganronpa, seeing how his face changed almost instantly. He had this ready and happy attitude about him now, as he started explaining how the game worked and what happened. I followed his words closely, his hands gestures and facial expressions. A couple of times he would get up to recreate a scene or better explain something. It was honestly an enjoyable and entertaining sight to see. It really helped the time pass. I was usually here alone, staring at the ceiling or scrolling through my phone for hours on end, awaiting the news that they would have to discharge me since my parents couldn’t take responsibility for me while being miles away. Listening to someone speak about their interest was way better. 

“So...you said something about someone yelling at you...what did you mean?” he pried a little. 

My eyes went wide for a moment at the realization of my words before. I didn’t mean to voice my current thoughts during that moment, but I wasn’t exactly in the right mindset to be filtering the words that came out of my mouth. I could always deny it and just act like I never said anything, and he would possibly get the hint. Or, I could just blatantly tell him what I meant. My main problem was possibly pushing him away from me. I didn’t know him at all. In fact, the only thing I  _ did _ know about him was his slight obsession with Danganronpa, which was endearing to say the least. He innocently really enjoyed it, and I didn’t blame him whatsoever. It did sound very interesting, and he was slowly peaking my interest about it the more he talked. But he wanted to know about me. No one ever wanted to know about me. No one ever really… _ asked _ ...about me. I averted my eyes from his own and stared down at the needle that was resting comfortably in my arm. The hospital bed sheets wore a sickly white color and had the effect that they had been washed one too many times due to the lint build up. I grasped a handful of the sheets very lightly. 

“I um…was talking about…my parents…” I forced the words out of my mouth. 

As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized my mistake. No one usually cared enough to ask. But I highly doubt he actually cared about me in any way. He was just bored. He only stayed because a pathetic, lonely, little loser like me didn’t seem to have anyone actually stick around in his life. That’s why he stayed. That’s why he listened. That's what I told myself at least. 

“Oh, I sort of get it now. I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have pried about something like that,” he said, laughing awkwardly at the end.

Yeah. There’s no way he could care about me. That’s what I thought at least. 

“You can always talk to me though...only if you want to. You don’t have to, I just wanna make sure you’re comfortable with talking about things like that. I know it’s a little weird sometimes so don’t feel pressured or anything but I’m here, you know? I’ll stop talking now,” he rambled for a bit, trying to find the right words. 

His rambling made me laugh though. It seemed genuine. His words, I mean. But, I couldn’t trust that completely. For the time being, I just couldn’t. The small and sort of forced laugh that came out of me broke the awkwardness again though, and I swiftly nodded my head.  _ Maybe I will tell him from now on _ . But the last thing I wanted to do was be a bother to him. 

“Thank you,” I tried to say and smiled politely, pushing my hair out of my face. 

“Anytime,” he said, smiling awkwardly. 

I was afraid to have someone to call a real friend. Everyone up until now just treated me as if I was an accessory. As if I was only good for one thing and one thing only and even then I wasn’t good  _ enough _ . Despite how genuine I wanted to think he was, there was the small part of me that wouldn’t give in to the fact that he could be a good person. A better person than Kaito. I was trying to think of ways I could talk to him then, so he wouldn’t have to cut me off everytime I opened my mouth to say “your voice!” or “I don’t want you to strain yourself.” So I took out my phone, went to my notes app and started typing away, to which he shot me a sideways glance, though it was very subtle. I handed the phone over to him and looked at what I'd said. 

_ ‘So, you seem to really like Danganronpa. Do you want to watch a few episodes with me? Only if you want to though _ .’ 

He looked up from my phone, the giddy smile appearing on his face again despite how hard I can see him trying to repress it. He nodded his head and said, “Are you sure?” to which, I obviously nodded my head back. It seemed pretty apparent that this was something he liked, and I never had many interests in the first place, besides playing whatever video game I could get my hands on. I always enjoyed games in general. Board games, card games, video games. I guess this so-called ‘killing game’ was something different though. Maybe I’d find it just as interesting as Shuichi did. Maybe. 

A couple hours had passed, the sky was already dark and I was still stuck in the hospital. A nurse came in to check on me and as well as a doctor who finally realized I was awake. However, without proper medical consent, they said they couldn’t do much. Getting my parents on the phone was a hard task at most, since they almost never answered when I called, but Shuichi actually had a bright idea. He interrupted me mid-way, saying he’d get ‘my parents’ on the phone immediately. I stayed in quiet confusion as he dialed the number, asking for a moment of privacy from the doctor. He said he’d get his mom to vouch for me, since I did need more intensive treatment. Luckily, this tactic actually worked better than expected, so I was able to stay overnight. After some exchange of information and hustle and bustle, there were no complications. 

Since it was getting late, in fact, it was almost eleven at night at this point, I tried to tell Shuichi that maybe he should go. I highly doubted they’d let him stay, even if he wanted to, which I assumed he didn’t want to stay. We weren’t exactly adults, so getting someone underage to stay overnight might get tricky. 

“Shuichi, you really should get going. Visiting hours are over in five minutes,” I scolded him, my throat still in pain.

“Yeah but then you’ll be here all alone. Use your notes,” he said to me, pointing to my phone at my side. 

He paused Danganronpa on his phone for a moment. I stayed quiet. I’d probably just fall asleep as soon as he left anyway. I would be fine alone. I picked up my phone and started typing. 

‘ _ It’s fine, seriously. They’ll just kick you out anyway. Wait, do you have a ride home? You shouldn’t have stayed so long, what if your parents can’t pick you up?! _ ’ 

I gave him my phone to read what I typed, and he gave me a look. 

“It‘s really fine, Ouma-kun. I’ll have my mom pick me up. But I’ll go, since you don’t want me getting in trouble, I’m assuming,” he explained, smiling back at me. 

He looked down at my phone again, started swiping and tapping. My eyes widened for a moment. I didn’t have anything to hide but...he could’ve asked first. I held in a breath, until he handed it back over to me with the contacts page open. 

“I’d prefer you to call me Shuichi. I don’t really enjoy formalities,” he explained to me. 

‘ _ I’ll be texting you to make sure you got home safe, if that’s okay with you _ ,’ I typed in the notes after switching back to the open app. 

I handed over my phone once more and he responded with, “I’m perfectly fine with that. I’ll see you later then okay?” 

I nodded my head, as he hands back my phone and slowly gets up from the bed. He was sitting next to me the entire time, holding up his phone as we watched his favorite show. So when the weight in the sturdy hospital bed shifted, it felt a little weird. But almost, normal. Oh right. It meant I would be alone again. He makes his way out the room, smiling back at me as I wave my hand and manage out a smile. No. I didn’t make the smile happen. The smile happened by itself. When he left, I completely sank into the bed, laying all the way back and stared back up at the ceiling. This was how it started right? I woke up to this ceiling and now I might go to bed staring at it. This was different. Different in its own way. After a half hour passed, I grabbed my phone and texted him, guessing that he had to be home by now. I read his contact name, hesitating to tap it. It read,  _ Shuichi Saihara _ . I thought for a moment why he didn’t put his last name first but I remember what he told me. He didn’t like formalities. For the sake of his safety, I casted aside all doubt and texted him. 

As soon as he answered, I asked if he had made it home safely, making the mistake of adding an honorific to the end of his last name. He reassured me that formalities weren’t needed, and so we texted for a while, after he assured me he was home. We had a senseless conversation that somehow dissolved into talking about Danganronpa. He had asked if I was tired before continuing the conversation, but I told him that I wasn’t ready to sleep just yet. The rest of the night went like that for about an hour, texting back and forth about the same thing, since Shuichi had gotten me pretty excited about it. He responded as fast as I replied so the conversation never really faltered. Until I started messing up in my typing since my eyes were closing by themselves. He convinced me it’d be better to get sleep rather than stay up longer, despite my protests saying I would be fine to stay awake, since I felt bad about going to sleep. He told me it was fine, and that he’d visit me tomorrow to see how I was doing. Of course, I did as Shuichi said. I set my phone aside and stared back up at the ceiling. For some odd reason, the ceiling was a comforting sight now. It didn’t look plain or drab anymore. It looked like the ceiling tiles above were glowing. That thought lingered in my mind, as I fell fast asleep. 

I woke up to the blindly bright, morning light from the window practically slapping me in the face. It was obviously an annoyance and I knew I had to get up soon, but now was not the time. So I closed my eyes and turned on my side, grabbing part of the pillow and covering my face. Then, I opened my eyes again, and almost screamed. The only thing that kept me from screaming out was my throat. I felt the same pain from yesterday, but even worse. I wouldn’t say my reaction was unreasonable, I just didn’t expect this first thing in the morning. Green-grey eyes and a warm smile greeted me as I was trying to comprehend what was happening. 

“I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you, I just wanted to be here when you woke up. Sorry for the shock,” he explained to me, becoming a stuttering mess and shifting a hand to the back of his neck. 

I smiled and laughed a little. He didn’t need to come by so early but I really appreciated it. Wait….didn’t we have school today? I realized this meant I would be marked absent but I didn’t want my weakness to affect Shuichi. Especially not academically. I got a little upset at the thought of hindering him in any way, and I wanted to bring up that he should be at school. Not wasting his time bothering with someone like me. With little hesitation, I grabbed my phone and texted him what I was thinking. 

‘ _ You should really be at school, shouldn't you?’ _

His phone buzzed and he picked it up the second it went off, then laughed. 

“It’s Friday, I can miss one day. Besides, I didn’t think leaving you all by yourself would be much fun,” he went on. 

Despite his words, I still felt bad for keeping him here. After all, he did just sort of show up out of nowhere, and I didn’t want him to feel like he was responsible for me or obligated to be my friend. I’d never want someone to force themself to be friends with someone like me. 

Even so, it went on like this, until I was able to leave the hospital. I was out within two days, being able to go to school on Monday. The weekend went by with Shuichi and I binge watching Danganronpa, the silence that fell between us being something that was fairly comforting. On Monday morning, I woke up in my bed, not ready to start the day. This just meant it would all go back to normal. Those few moments where everything felt like a different type of normal, one that I wish was my everyday normal. Once I arrived at school, I knew exactly what would happen. I would follow the same routine. Show up in class. Sit for a while. Wait for Kaito and his group to show up. Ask for homework. Go through the day. See Kaito again or simply walk home alone. The same routine. I knew it would never change. Until I saw someone standing by my seat. 

_ (A/N: sorry I had to do some research for this part since I’m not entirely sure how hospital things work[especially in another country], but I do believe minors need consent from an adult in order to get full treatment for things, but obviously hospitals take care of the things that are like life threatening or a danger to the person. if this is incorrect, I’m sorry in advance.) _

Part 3 

I would’ve thought that he would’ve forgotten about me. I guess I was wrong. He stood by my desk, as if he was waiting for me. How did he remember where I sat? It didn’t matter too much anyway, because…they were already talking to him. I closed my eyes for a second and breathed deeply, but the moment I opened them, they were all looking back at me. How was I supposed to react? They wouldn’t get mad at him right? On the contrary. They were all laughing and having a good time. At least Shuichi was happy. 

“Oh hey, Kokichi!” I heard Kaito call for me. 

I internally winced, trying to convince myself that he was my friend. Yes. He was my friend. At school, he was my friend. I made an attempt at smiling, walking over to the small crowd of students whom I already knew. Shuichi turned around abruptly at the mention of my name. He told me to let him know when I got to school, but I figured he’d ignore me, so I cast aside even the thought of it. As I walked over, they stared at me almost confused, except for Shuichi and Kaito. Was it that weird that I appeared at school today? The moment I got to my desk, Kaito swung an arm around my shoulder. Here we go again. 

“Why didn’t you tell us about the new kid, Kokichi?” Kaito started, this time the topic not about homework. 

He was planning something, wasn’t he? He did this with only two friends I had before too. Now, they barely ever look into my eyes. Sometimes I wonder what Kaito told them to stay away. I’m sure there’s many reasons to stay away from me, even I know that. My parents would probably agree with anything Kaito said, too. Despite the thoughts running through my head, I made an attempt at speaking up. 

“Actually, it was a total accident that we met,” Shuichi spoke for me. 

Oh no.  _ Shuichi, please don’t talk anymore. Please, just don’t _ , I silently pleaded in my head. 

“Oh how so?” Kaito added in, very interested. 

_ No. Stop. Please _ . 

I stared at the floor with visceral intensity, putting my hands in my pockets and grabbing at the fabric inside. I could feel someone looking at me, but I didn’t dare look up from the very uninteresting spot on the floor, that I pretended was the most fascinating thing in the world. I felt a nudge at my side, but kept my eyes fixed on the floor. 

“Well, I was on my way home on Saturday and I saw Kokichi going somewhere, so I decided to say hi,” Shuichi explained. 

_ Wait, that’s not what happened though _ , I thought to myself. I looked up but tried my best to avoid looking suspicious. 

“Oh, was that all?” Kaito asked. 

I felt as if everyone in the room knew Shuichi was lying, yet would rather leave the elephant in the room unacknowledged. Not to mention, there was a visible bruise on my throat, but a person could barely see it unless they were paying close attention. I’m glad I always buttoned up my uniform completely. Even so, there was a bruise on the right side of my face, just next to my eye, right on the cheekbone. I couldn’t do much in hiding that. Besides, my mom took all her makeup with her on their trip. I didn’t have much of a choice but to go to school with visual bruising. 

“I  _ did _ ask where he got that bruise from,” Shuichi started. 

Everyone’s eyes widened, including Kaito’s. 

“But he just said he tripped and fell into a tree. Something about being really clumsy. Right, Kokichi?” Shuichi turned to me and smiled as bright as the hospital room lights. 

I unintentionally smiled back, “uh yeah.”

“But it’s only been two days, and you’re calling him by first name? That’s a little weird, ya know?” Kaito suggested, looking over at everyone, and insinuating something else. 

“He said he preferred being called by his first name, so I just respected his wishes,” Shuichi continued on, still smiling. 

How was he so calm? In a situation like this? There was a possibility he knew about Kaito but...I highly doubted it. The only reason why Kaito and the others called me by my first name, is because Kaito didn’t think I deserved respect or the need for an honorific after my last name. He also wanted to make it seem as if we were friendly with one another. The others...just went with it. I will still never know why they did, but I accepted it, and moved on. At least I had “friends.” At least I didn’t look like a complete loner, despite the truth that no one else knew but me. Kaito’s eyes widened in what I assume was shock, probably getting the wrong idea from Shuichi as soon as Shuichi started calling me by my first name. Either way, he rolled with it. 

“Oh, right, I forgot about that. Sorry, I’ve been so used to calling the little guy by his first name that I forgot what his preference was,” Kaito said nonchalantly. 

The exchange between the two was nothing short of awkward and tense, but it left everyone else on edge and intrigued. I took my hand out of my pocket to touch the side of my face where the bruise was, then looked straight at Kaito. His eyes were riddled with anger, despite how happy his face looked. He just laughed it off, treating the situation as a mere useless conversation, and started talking to Maki and Kiibo instead. Miu was busy picking at the nailpolish on her fingernails and twirling her hair in her seat. Shuichi however, looked directly at me, the moment the topic was changed. Kaito seemed to take no interest in Shuichi at mere glance, but every so often, I caught him looking at Shuichi with a malicious interest. 

“What’s with him? Is he a friend of yours?” Shuichi asked me, actually looking at me.. 

“Yeah. Sure,” I said, smiling awkwardly. 

“Whatever the case is, he’s pretty nosey. Does he know that someone roughed you up on your way home from school?” Shuichi asked me. 

I felt my eyes open wide and I turned to make eye contact with him immediately. How -

“Well, it seemed obvious. You couldn’t have gotten into an accident with those kinds of injuries.I didn’t want to ask because I didn’t want to pry, but judging by your reaction, I was right,” he explained, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. 

I nodded my head lightly. 

“You can talk now, Kokichi,” Shuichi reminded me. 

I could. Not that I wanted to. Not in a place like this. Where Kaito was so nearby that he could ask to go to the vending machine at any moment and decide it’s time to have another conversation. 

“Um, why were you standing by my desk?” I asked abruptly.

The thought didn’t process in my head like it normally does, and the words just came tumbling out of my mouth without a second thought. 

“Oh, because I wanted to talk to you. I asked you to text me when you got here but I guess you forgot. It’s okay though, I just wanted to make sure you got here alright,” Shuichi said, using the same nonchalant smile he always used.

“I-I’m sorry,”I responded, looking down for a moment. 

“You don’t have to apologize! It’s fine! I just wanted to know you’re fine. I mean, friends do that sort of thing. We are friends, aren’t we?” Shuichi asked me. 

With that one question, I looked directly into his face and smiled. The second most genuine smile I’ve given a person in a very long time. Maybe he was different. Maybe...he wasn’t like Kaito. 

“Yeah. We are,” I responded, this weird warmth filling my chest.

And slowly, very slowly, Shuichi’s personality started to sway me. 

After a long day, I had started to make my way home, since Kaito decided against “walking” me home. I was sort of relieved to say the least, but I was alone, which was something I didn’t enjoy too much. The sad truth of it was, I’d rather “walk” home with Kaito than be forced to walk home alone. At least no one else would try anything when he was around. However, as I walked home, I stopped dead in my tracks. Just ahead, I saw what I silently hoped would never happen. They were all talking so casually. The conversation almost looked natural from the short distance away I was. I bit the inside of my cheek without realization, tasting some sort of metallic substance that spread across my tongue and the roof of my mouth. The taste was so bitter and I dug my hand into my pocket sharply. I didn’t want to draw any suspicion, so I decided to take the longer route home. The one I took last time. Somehow though, I still managed to be surprised again. Making the exact same turn I took last time to get home, I saw him. This time around, I had actually stopped for him. 

“W-What are you--”

“I wanted to walk you home. I noticed you weren’t with your friends,” he cut me off immediately. 

Wait. How did he know I would take this way again though? This isn’t the route that many people take when walking home. There’s a split on the main route that can take you to wherever you live but this route...it’s specific to my house. And, how did he see me? I could’ve sworn he was just…no, he has to be joking or something. I opened my mouth to speak but only stutters and incoherent sentences came out, as I became a mumbling mess. 

“I was the one walking home with them. That’s how I knew you weren’t with them. But tell me, why didn’t they invite you? You seem to be taking your time getting home,” Shuichi interrupted my stutters. 

There was nothing I could say now that would make sense. Except for maybe…

“I just wanted to walk home alone. They know I like to walk home alone, so it’s fine,” I explained to him. 

He gave a laugh, one that was slightly mocking and said ‘you’re lying.’ 

“I hate to sound like a stalker Kokichi, but I know you’re lying. On Thursday, I watched someone walk away from a sketchy place, and I had seen something on the floor, but I didn’t know what it was. But when I saw you appear just moments later, bruised and bloody, I thought that maybe it was you that was on the floor. My suspicions were only confirmed today, since the person who walked away looked exactly like Momota-san,” he explained in vast detail. 

I was astonished by his observation skills. Seriously, he would be really good at solving cases. Like that one character in Danganronpa. Kyoko Kirigiri, I think. He did mention liking her character a lot too, so maybe that’s why he’s so in tune with small details and observations. When he spoke he sounded so sure of himself too, as if there was no doubt that the possibility of it being a coincidence was extremely low. I could tell he had a weird confidence in his observation skills but he never seemed to flaunt or talk about it. I was unsure of what to say now. I didn’t want to own up to the harsh truth that he offered in front of me, and silently shoved a hand in my pocket, gripping at the fabric inside again. 

“At first, I thought that you just didn’t want to tell Momota-san what happened. Then, I realized how flustered and out of place you looked,” he kept talking, breaking up the short moment of silence. 

Another long pause. 

“You don’t have to confirm anything I’ve said. I just...noticed, is all,” Shuichi finally stated, the silence finally settling. 

We walked side by side, a dense air taking place for the unspoken words between us. I wanted to respond. Something within me just kept yelling,  _ Why don’t you tell him already?! _ But a larger part of me willed myself to just stay quiet. I’d only be annoying someone with a trivial problem. Possibly worrying someone for no reason, that is if he actually cared. The longer we walked in awkward silence, the more tension grew. As if one of us wanted to say something, but couldn’t will ourselves to. I didn’t know if I was ready to tell Shuichi about myself. We had only known each other for less than a week, so...how could I trust him? My house was drawing nearer as I continuously kept yelling at myself in my head. I could say anything right now, anything, but my mouth was drawn in a tightline and whatever words I wanted to say were imprisoned on my tongue. At the time, I thought Shuichi would be a person that I couldn’t trust for the life of me. That his intentions were just like Kaito’s and that I’d be let down once more again. Of course, I feel bad now knowing that I should’ve trusted him sooner. So with the incomprehensible jumble of thoughts in my head I said one thing. 

“You’re good at observing, Shuichi. Kirigiri-san would be proud,” I mumbled outwardly, a fake, breathy laugh exiting my mouth with the words. 

I guess he didn’t understand that, because when I looked over to him, he looked confused and a bit taken aback. I probably said something wrong, or maybe I said too much. Of course, I should’ve kept my mouth closed. I really should have. But then he laughs a little, a genuine smile on his face, and his eyes are half shut. 

“I guess so,” he responded, once again, lowering the black hat on his head. 

I felt his eyes fall upon me, and I tried to force myself to just stare at the ground. It was hard to ignore the fact that he was still looking at me, probably waiting for me to look back just for a reaction. So I looked up and over to my right side, once again seeing grey-green eyes staring back at me. I guess that’s all he wanted, because the moment I looked up, he looked away. The acknowledgment was all it took, I guess. We finally made it to my house, the silence breaking so we could talk about something Shuichi enjoyed a lot - Danganronpa, of course. He seemed to take a big liking to it, and the least I could do was talk to him about it. In all honesty though, it was very interesting to me. To hear him talk about it and analyze it. The concept of it and how cruel it could be. It was weirdly enjoyable in a twisted sort of way. Once I had seen my house come into view, my heart rate increased rapidly. The thumping in my chest was so loud that it traveled to my head faster than I could count to ten on my fingers. I knew everything happening was too good to be true. The fear that struck within me and rattled me on the inside was probably visible from the outside despite my attempts to conceal it. With a lot of hesitation and a shaky voice, I said goodbye to Shuichi, who started to slowly walk away as I made my way up the short path to my door. 

The car parked in the driveway said what I didn’t want to believe. I didn’t want to see them. I didn’t want them to be home. I grabbed the doorknob and just stared directly into the door. A wobbly feeling shot to my legs and my arms, the anticipation of reality just ahead of me being the most frightening thing in my mind at that moment. So with every ounce of anxiousness, I turned the doorknob, just to be greeted with them waiting for me expectantly. There it was. The faces that screamed at me without saying a word. Disappointment and judgement painting their faces in a twisted picture that I didn’t realize was so bad at the time. As long as they told me that I was in the wrong, I had always believed them. As long as they ridiculed and reprimanded me on every little thing I did, I would constantly believe that I was at fault for every minor infraction in my life. I was waiting for the influx of questions. Every last one of them. Asking about the bruise on my throat. The bruise on my cheek. Questioning who that boy was that I was walking with. How I managed to keep myself alive for two weeks by myself. They never told me when they would come back whenever they left, but the fact that they were back now - of all times - struck an unmistakable terror within me. And so it began. 

The yelling, the swearing, the fighting, the crying. All of those things, not once coming from me, as I stood there, just taking it all in. An ever present numb feeling washed over me, reminding me that this was the reality of it all. That I truly was worthless and I should appreciate the little things that I had been offered in life. I wanted to apologize or maybe even counter argue their points, but how could I? They were right. My grades were slipping. I allowed someone to take out their anger on me whenever they felt like it. I gave in to situations that I felt I had no control over to avoid problems. And so I silently wished to myself, very silently, that I could be someone different. That I could control my problems and actually help other people, rather than be someone else’s punching bag or stress reliever or burden. I didn’t want to constantly hide in the shadows, alone and pathetic as usual. I wanted to have an impact on people. A big one One that I hoped would be positive. I just...wanted to be something. Be  _ someone _ . I stared at the broken glass and plate on the floor, the shards scattered everywhere. My mom crying in hysterics and my dad still fuming with deep-seated rage and anger. It was worse for others, I reminded myself. It was always worse for others. They reminded me of that often too. So, I should have nothing to pity myself for. 

I didn’t know what emotions I  _ should _ feel during these moments. Should I be angry? Sad? Hurt? I just looked on in discomfort. It was quite the scene, in my opinion. But it was like this everytime they came home. They threatened no dinner as punishment. Taking my phone away. Forcing me to study in a room by myself with no distractions. But I did deserve it. I was a disappointment after all. The small amounts of freedom I gained when they left was an anxiety filled heaven. The only reason anxiety was so present during those times was because I knew eventually they would come back. During those times when they came back, if they didn’t yell at me, they would argue with one another. So, I grew accustomed to hiding in cabinets to muffle out the noise, with my music on the loudest volume it could go. They usually never found me when they argued with each other, but when they did, covering my ears wasn’t an option and blocking objects coming my way became normal. Either way, I was sent to my room without food that day, hoping that they wouldn’t randomly walk in, and shutting myself out from this reality. I surprisingly still had my phone, so I sat in my room, listening to music, and playing a game with some old cards I found at the bottom of my desk drawer. The rest of the week would go like this, hiding in cabinets, avoiding objects, avoiding them and not eating much. It became a habit for me not to each as much, so I would even forget when they were away. 

Part 4

My parents left again, about two weeks later, and the only person I had stayed in contact with was Shuichi. Mainly because he would contact me first. The only times I saw him in person was during school. Kaito was still demanding work from me, but managed to keep his distance a little more now. He did seem to stick around Shuichi when I wouldn’t turn up though, which I tried to pay no mind to, despite how obvious it was. I noticed how little by little, Kaito would try to talk to Shuichi more and more each day, to a point where he’d interrupt conversations I would be having with him. Since Kaito welcomed Shuichi’s talk about Danganronpa, though, he easily entertained Kaito’s presence. I could tell it wasn’t on purpose but I wanted to understand why he decided to entertain talking to him. I never explicitly confirmed what he said however, so I couldn’t blame him in the slightest. Despite this, I noticed how Kiibo and Miu would talk to me more, as if they were less afraid of me in some odd way. Kiibo and Miu would always distance themselves from me, carry short conversations and then turn away in what I could only assume was hesitation. 

I missed Kiibo and Miu. It wasn't until Kaito came along that I had lost them. I would walk home everyday with the both of them. Making jokes and poking fun at the little things. We would even help each other with schoolwork sometimes. But for some odd and unknown reason, they slowly stopped talking to me. The more they left my side, the closer friends they became with Kaito. That’s why, when Kaito met Shuichi, I was terrified. I didn’t want to lose another person again. I guess one could argue that Kiibo and Miu weren’t real friends but, I would counter-argue in a heartbeat. Maybe it’s because I never wanted to think of them as bad people. Because there was always a sort of fear in their eyes when they looked at me just to talk to me. As if, they weren’t allowed to talk to me. However, it could just be in my own head. I could very well have been imagining these things. Even so, I still considered both of them distant friends. Maybe one day we’d be friends again, but I could never know. Things were looking up in a way though, because at least they could carry a conversation with me for longer than two minutes. 

Time went on, and I slowly got closer to Shuichi. I was still hesitant at times and closed off about certain things. I hadn’t admitted to what he guessed that day, but told myself that one day, I’d work up the courage to do so. We walked home together everyday, and would basically only talk about Danganronpa. Until one day, he had actually started asking about me. My likes and dislikes. Hobbies and interests. The last people I had met that had actually ever asked about those things and slowly got to know that part of me was Kiibo and Miu. Yet, they weren’t exactly my friends anymore. I could pretend they were. I could always pretend. I found it funny, maybe slightly endearing, that when I told him what my favorite drink was - grape Panta - he would get me one every Friday, despite my protests and constantly telling him it was  _ not _ necessary to do so. The closer we got to each other, the more I opened up. It was specifically sometime during the winter, on a day that felt like a fall evening, in the library afterschool. I didn’t plan on opening up, but it was a small joke that got me to talk. 

“I’m surprised your parents let you come out today. Don’t they keep you indoors on school days?”

“It’s fine. They aren’t home today.”

Shuichi didn’t really know how my parents actually were. I made an excuse up about six months ago saying that they were just really strict. I’m glad it worked though. I thought the excuse would last a while actually. I was actually playing a game on my phone, so I was listening to Shuichi but my responses were mere mumbles and fragmented sentences. 

“Kokichi, are you listening?” 

“Yes Shumai-- I mean, Shuichi,” I said accidentally, looking up from my phone and correcting myself as quickly as possibly. 

My face became warm the instant the word slipped from my mouth. The amount of shock spread across my face was a concerning amount. I wasn’t even that hungry, why did that come out of my mouth? It didn’t matter though, because Shuichi’s eyes went wide for a moment and then he bursted into a fit of laughter. It wasn’t that funny was it? I put my phone down and then started stuttering, trying to fix my mistake. I ended up just covering my face in burning embarrassment. 

“Where did  _ that _ come from?” Shuichi said, still laughing, the both of us getting judgemental looks and being hushed from different locations of the library. 

“I-I don’t even know, can we forget about it?” I muttered, trying to hide behind my hair to the best of my ability, and shoving my phone back in my face. 

All of a sudden, the phone leaves my grasp and I’m reaching out trying to get it back. 

“Hey, I--”

“Are you hungry?” he asked me abruptly. 

“Why are you--”

“The only reason I can think for you accidentally calling me that is because you’re hungry, right?” he explained. 

I look down and then back up at him. I had been eating a lot less lately. When was the last time I had actually had something to eat that wasn’t a small snack? All of a sudden, I was aware of this weird sensation in my stomach. 

“I don’t really know,” I said honestly. 

I didn’t realize this would make him elicit such a concerned response. 

“What do you mean? Doesn’t your stomach hurt or anything?” he tried explaining, with a worried tone lacing his voice. 

I shook my head. Maybe I just had no appetite, so actually feeling hungry was something that I just forgot about from time to time. I had to periodically remind myself to eat and sometimes I’d just put it off. But when I shook my head, I felt a turning in my stomach, realizing that the last time I properly ate something was three days ago. No wonder I was so tired. Two days ago I had probably two snacks. Yesterday I didn’t eat at all. Today, I just had a bottle of soda. Before I could speak, a pain arose in my stomach, and I clutched it lightly, trying not to draw attention to it. Simply just placing my arm across my lap, and making it look like I was shifting positions. 

“When was the last time you ate something?” Shuichi questioned me. 

“Last night,” I lied on instinct. 

“You didn’t eat anything this morning?” he persisted. 

“I always skip breakfast,” I lied further. 

“But what about lunch?” he interrogated. 

“I usually just skip that too and eat at home,” I made up. 

My responses are probably swifter than what I meant them to be, but somehow, someway, he sees through all of them. 

“You’re lying, again,” he said outright. 

“No, I’m not,” I said, trying to look directly in his eyes. 

There’s a long pause of silence. 

“Kokichi, be honest. I’m not going to get mad,” he said softly, in a persuading tone of voice. 

Of all people, I hated lying to Shuichi the most. It was nearly impossible. He always saw through them. Even if it wasn’t in the moment, he always got back to it later. Always. I mentally took a deep breath, closing my eyes and just deciding that now. Now was the time. I couldn’t keep secrets from him anymore. It had been over a year. We had even started the new school year together. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep this up. 

“I don’t eat much at home,” I admitted, the words tumbling out in a smooth sentence. 

A small weight was lifted off my chest. 

“I...I’ve been lying to you about a lot of things. And keeping a lot of secrets because, I didn’t know if you actually cared about me or were pretending to. Then I realized that you probably do care, so then I just didn’t want to worry you,” I explained simply. 

I had rehearsed the moment in my head numerous times, but I never realized how - freeing - it would feel to just tell someone what actually happens in my life. As I explained everything, Shuichi listened, with a face filled with what I told myself was of interest. But there was a look in his eyes that I had only ever seen in two other people’s faces before. Miu and Kiibo. So I took that look in his eyes as a sign of worry. Worry? Why would any of them be worried about me? Then I brushed the thought off. The more I told Shuichi about myself, the more I realized that I hadn’t truly talked to someone since I was friends with Miu and Kiibo. I didn’t have friends anymore. Even being friends with Shuichi, I feared that one day he would leave me, turn on me, and side with the majority. Just like Miu and Kiibo did. Since I had opened up to him about something, Shuich had offered opening up about something as well. I tried fighting him on it, shaking my head back and forth, and telling him he didn’t have to. I told him I felt bad because he didn’t need to share anything he wasn’t comfortable sharing, but he insisted it was fair game because I opened up about something that was hard for me to talk about. 

He awkwardly pointed to his hat, asking if I was ever curious about it. I nodded my head, and explained it did seem odd that he wore the hat almost constantly. He didn’t wear it in school very often, since it’s not a part of the uniform and he would probably get in trouble for wearing it. He took a deep breath and started explaining why he wore the black hat. I sat there, listening to him with the same undivided attention that he gave me when I gave him my explanation. It hurt in a way, hearing him say what he was telling me. I never would have thought about that for a second. I just assumed it was his favorite hat or his lucky hat or something along those lines. But apparently, that wasn’t the case. It made me almost mad that he had to go home everyday, and deal with someone like his dad. Maybe I didn’t know exactly what it was like, but I don’t think an abusive alcoholic of a father makes good for a family that only consists of a wife and one child. After we finished our conversation in the library, Shuichi insisted we went to get something to eat, and didn’t let me refuse for even a millisecond. 

  
  


About a month had passed, and somehow, I started making friends. I don’t know why or how it happened. I just know that Shuichi would start talking and would encourage me to talk too, so we would get into conversations with people who actually entertained what we were talking about. It was something different to me, but not bad. Having Shuichi around actually encouraged me to talk to people more and more, despite the feeling inside me that reminded me they were probably only listening _ because _ Shuichi was around. Shuichi was actually fairly attractive, so he would have girls come up to him often, especially this one girl. I believe her name was Akamatsu Kaede. A girl with blonde hair and not too vibrant personality with most people. However, when she was around Shuichi, that was a different story. I never understood why Shuichi never took her hints though. Or possibly he chose to ignore them, which I highly doubted. She was a very pretty girl, so I didn’t understand why he didn’t attempt to make an effort to get to know her better, but I digress. 

I had met someone who was grade above me, in a class that had mixed grades. The only reason we became friends was because I made what he thought was a funny comment, and just started talking to me as if we were close friends. He had green-blonde hair and yellow-green eyes. He told me how he didn’t enjoy school very much, and slacked off a lot but overall his life was boring. If I’m correct, his name was Amami Rantaro. He was actually very funny though, and was quite the character despite how plain he may look at first. About a week later I met someone who was really tall and very built muscularly talking to a girl that brimmed with confidence, but looked as if she might cause trouble. The boy - or rather man, since he resembled one very much so - had long brown hair, and brown eyes. The girl had white-grey hair and green-grey eyes, leaning more towards green than grey, however. It seemed as if the taller of the two was reprimanding the other. How I met them was...interesting.The girl had actually called me over to take her side in an argument and the guy just let her talk. I made a dumb remark and she laughed, but then I made another remark later on, and he laughed. In the end, I learned the guy had quite the intelligent head and was quiet yet confident in himself. The girl seemed to not care for responsibility in the slightest, and her main priority was just making sure her taller friend wasn’t overworking himself again. The guy - Gokuhara Gonta - and the girl - Tojo Kirumi - became some of my closest friends, as did Rantaro. 

There were people who I knew, but weren't exactly friends with. Like this one very short kid, who seemed to hang around a lot of people and jump around friend groups but was apparently quite the nerd. Hoshi Ryoma was his name. Then these two girls, who constantly argued with one another, one girl was short with red hair and the other wore her black hair in braids. The short girl was Yumeno Himiko, and the other was Chabashira Tenko. Every week there was at least one argument happening between the two of them about how one kept stealing the other’s crush or how one of them had already “claimed that boy”. There was also this guy with very long brownish-blackish hair and a girl with white hair and bangs framing her face that got along very well, and people usually talked about them poorly behind their backs. They were both strictly atheist and enjoyed causing arguments with other people whenever religion or beliefs were brought up. Shinguji Korekiyo, the guy with long brownish-blackish hair, and Yonaga Angie, the girl who was especially adamant about being atheist. Even though I had met these people, I wasn’t particularly interested in becoming too close of friends with them. 

All the people whom I had become close with, talked to each other very often and I guess you could say I had formed a small group of friends. An interesting thing I did notice was how Kaede would start to hang around this small group of friends, specifically Shuichi, yet Shuichi still never batted an eye in her direction. Sometimes, I’d want to point it out to him, just to help her out and possibly help Shuichi out. But something inside me didn’t let me. I ignored the feeling entirely though, because I was just happy that I had friends now. Friends. Something I could say without feeling like they would turn on me this time around. Yet, the future held such...unpredictable things, didn’t it? I found out that Rantaro enjoyed Danganronpa just as much as Shuichi did, in fact, our entire friend group had heard about it, and it became the topic of most of our conversations. I didn’t have to explain to anyone about things that happened at home, that stayed between Shuichi and I. Although, I think Shuichi had told Gonta  _ something _ , because Gonta would stay by my side or at a distance from me the entire school day. I had noticed the few scowls and glances he snuck to Kaito, so despite Shuichi still not knowing the truth about that situation, he took precautionary measures that I never asked him to take, anyway. Ever since Gonta had started staying around, Kaito no longer threatened me for school work, and stayed away from me. The only problem was, Kaito never left Shuichi’s side when given the opportunity to talk to him. It was a little funny sometimes though, because he would roll his eyes whenever he looked away, and whenever I’d see it, I’d snicker a little. 

Shuichi confessed to me that Kaito had asked about hanging out multiple times on multiple occasions, and Shuichi said he declined various instances when he asked. Of course, I freaked out at first internally, thinking Shuichi was going to leave me for someone who was probably a better friend overall. Yet he didn’t. When he told me this, I finally confessed that Kaito had been hurting me and threatening me, and Shuichi’s face was adorned with such disdain and anger, that I actually got scared for a second. He went off on a tangent about how he knew he was right, and admitted to having Gonta be around me just in case. It went from serious to funny really quickly though, because of course, one of us made an insignificant remark that made the other keel over in a fit of laughter. Somewhat later on, during the early springtime, I received apologies from Miu and Kiibo about not being there for me. They both bowed to me deeply and said how they were “horrible friends.” To which I learned they were actually being blackmailed by Kaito into doing some things for him as well, and if they didn’t obey him, that he would do horrible things to them too. Yet, we were all divided from each other simply because we kept the truth from one another. The fact was though, the truth was an ugly one. 

I repaired my friendship with Kiibo and Miu, everything slowly going back to how it used to be, and I introduced the both of them to Shuichi. It may seem like Danganronpa doesn’t play a huge part in my life, just the brief mentions here and there but...I realized how it actually distracted me from what was happening around me. Shuichi was the one that introduced me to it fully, and before I knew it, a lot of people around me had already really liked the series. Maybe because I didn’t ever pay attention to things that were popular during the time but this was the one thing I could actually enjoy, despite how absolutely cruel it could be. It could’ve just been because I knew the people on screen were going through something worse than me or because they were able to get away from their boring lives and regifted new ones but it still helped me escape. Sometimes, I wanted to be like them, just because I wanted to escape so badly. Even though I had friends around me, my home life was still a horrible one to live through every single day. I still didn’t eat much and nothing was improving. However, Rantaro had actually auditioned for the killing game in question. The 52nd killing game. He actually was eligible and made it in. The entire time the killing game was happening, I was rooting for his survival. Shuichi, Miu, Kiibo, Gonta, Kirumi, all of us were. Eventually, a new school year had started which meant that a new killing game would happen soon. The 52nd Danganronpa was finally coming to an end. 

Part 5

I hadn’t realized what I was getting myself into at the time, because I just wanted to escape. I wanted to be free. I didn’t want to be stuck in my home anymore. Even if it meant I would die in a game that was meant to have the survival rate of few people. On another winter afternoon, nearing springtime once again, Shuichi asked me a question that I never thought would actually leave his mouth. 

“Hey Kokichi?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember how Rantaro auditioned for Danganronpa?”

A short pause

“Where are you getting at here?” I asked him hesitantly.

A slightly longer pause. 

“Let’s do it.” 

I turned to him. Quiet for a moment. Did he just…

“Only if you want to, though. I’m not going to force you at all,” he added quickly. 

The only requirement to enter Danganronpa, was to be between the ages of fifteen and twenty, preferably between fifteen and eighteen however. While there was a part of me telling myself that entering a killing game was a horrible idea, a twisted side of me also said I should just do it. I knew that Shuichi wouldn’t be one to force me to join, since he only ever really looked out for my best interests at hand. However, I felt almost obligated to join. As though, if I didn’t, I might be letting him down. Maybe that was just cover for my own selfish desires though, because the small voice that was gradually getting louder in my head, urged me to just say yes right there. I wasn’t sure if Shuichi had thought this over. Or if he was aware of what all of this nonsense meant. Either way, I let my thoughts be persuaded into a deadly idea. I could make something of myself though. I could, possibly save everyone. Or, possibly kill everyone. 

“If you’re doing it, then yes, I’ll join you,” I stated with overconfidence. 

That afternoon, both of our lives completely changed. That was to say the least, however. As later that day, we found out, our friends were doing the same thing. Not a single one of us persuaded the other to back down. The confidence that surrounded all of us that day, was indescribable to say the least. We were so confident that a large sum of us would make it out alive. But of course, we knew that the majority of us would end up dead. I had found out that later that day, Kaito was going to audition as well, which sent a shiver down my spine. If there was anyone who would take the opportunity to kill me in a moment's notice, it would be him, and he would do so in the cruelest way possible. Despite the confidence I lacked, and the introverted attitude I wore on my sleeve, I thought that maybe they would give me a chance. Make me into something that I never thought I could be. Instead of just following Shuichi about and blending into a crowd of friends, I could be something better. So, in the evening, we went to auditions. Each of us going in one by one. Until I was finally called. When this man sat me in front of a camera, asked for me contestant number and then started asking various questions, along with other important looking people who listened on. One of which was a girl with blue hair, they kept whispering something into the man’s ear. 

“Why did you want to participate in Danganronpa?”

Why? Hm...why did I? 

“In all honesty, my home life is pretty terrible. I just wanted an escape. I usually just keep things to myself so I don’t worry other people but since we’re here, and I might not live, I should just spill right? My friend asked me to join, so I--”

“Friend? Just a friend?” he cut in. 

Just...a friend? I don’t know. I considered Shuichi to be just a friend. Or maybe...no, now wasn’t the time to think about something like that. Not in a situation like this. Not in a  _ moment _ like this. 

“Uh, yeah. Friend. Anyways, he got me into Danganronpa and asked that I audition, although I don’t see why. I’m fairly average, and I’d just probably try to keep everyone alive during the game. I wouldn’t want to cause many problems. Just be a background character you know? I wouldn’t want to have to sacrifice anyone. But if killing is necessary, I’ll do it,” I explained in prolonging detail. 

They seemed to be writing down everything I said, as if it was significant in some way. I nervously played with my uniform sleeve and my eyes darted around the room, waiting for an additional question. 

“By any chance, if the friend in question, Shuichi Saihara?”

I cocked my head to the side slightly, with a look of confusion and shock painting my face. How were they able to figure that out? What did Shuichi tell them? 

“How--” 

“The description of yourself that you gave us was exactly how he had described you, except in a more positive and enthusiastic light. He seemed to think very highly of you,” the man explained to me, in a neutral, boring tone of voice, not seeming to care that he cut me off again. 

I could feel a warmth creep upon my face. I never knew Shuichi thought so highly of me. It felt weirdly nice, just being almost praised for simply being myself. I knew I didn’t deserve it though, so I mentally kicked myself for accepting such positive acceptance from another person. Especially from someone who I knew was way better than me. I guess they realized how bright my face had gone, because they quickly asked another question. 

“So do you really enjoy Danganronpa or was it simply because of your  _ friend _ ?” he asked, a weird emphasis on the word ‘friend.’ It almost sounded bitter yet suggestive. I couldn’t understand why. 

“Well yeah, I really do like Danganronpa. It’s something I talk about all the time, probably annoyingly so. I don’t  _ just _ want to be a part of Danganronpa because of Shuichi. I want to be a part of it because I  _ really _ like it too,” I explained. 

More writing. More whispering. The questions went on like this for a while., with my too-long, descriptive responses and their one-sided, open-to-interpretation questions. Then the pause in between to write, whisper, and write some more. By the end of it, they asked me this one question. 

“If you were to play a role in this game, what role would you like to play?”

I stayed silent for a moment. I had never given much thought to what role I would  _ like _ to play. I just figured they’d assign me some senseless role, one that invokes no significance whatsoever. But of course, I  _ wanted _ to be important. Something more than what I am now. 

“How about something like a leader? An Ultimate Leader of some sort. It doesn’t matter what, just anything interesting really,” I blurted outwardly. 

A weird smile grew on their faces, as they wrote down what I said, and touched something on the camera. Then, they thanked me, and kindly asked me to leave, reminding me that they’d let me know within a week’s time if I had been selected. When I had left, I met up with Shuichi and asked him about his experience. He admitted that he started talking immediately, so any questions weren’t really necessary. He said his excitement really got the better of him, to which I laughed at and explained that I was the complete opposite. I was an awkward and unconfident mess. However, I left out the part where they brought up Shuichi. I felt awkward talking about that now. Since I didn’t bring it up though, he did. Going on about how he kept talking about me after they turned off the camera. I guess they deemed that information useless at the time. Was this just meant to develop my character for later then? I shrugged it off, thinking nothing of it for the time being. We discussed how Rantaro’s Ultimate was cool but lackluster at best, and how we were both shocked that he was the one out of two that survived, the other simply being let go. He would now be a part of the next killing game, so we would get to see him once again. We may not remember him when we got there but, it would still be nice to see him again. 

A week later, the majority of us got a call. Saying that we were to participate in the 53rd Killing Game known as Danganronpa. I remember all of us being so enthusiastic, and happy. I remember going to meet everyone and gush about how we were a part of something huge. All of us just relishing in bittersweet joy. Bittersweet because we may never see each other again. At least, not in the same way. Our personalities...would be nothing like they are now. We’d all be interesting in our own ways. I guess those thoughts hadn’t settled in for any of us during that time though, because we were all so undeniably happy. We spent our last day together, living through a normal teenage life. I had never told my parents about entering Danganronpa, so on the last day, when they found out about it, they started yelling at me, telling me I had to stay home on my last day of freedom. But I didn’t oblige in the slightest. Today was the one day that I could feel like a normal teenage boy. The one day, where I didn’t have to worry about anyone or anything anymore.  _ Because after this day...I might turn up dead _ , is what I thought to myself. So I enjoyed every last bittersweet moment with my friends. I remember that night, Shuichi telling me something. Something...that I didn’t understand. Something about feelings. But it was drowned out in the loudness of our friends. When I asked him to repeat what he said, he shrugged it off, just laughing and saying that he was feeling nervous. I agreed, explaining how it was fun but so, disheartening in a way. Sixteen teenagers would be potentially throwing their lives away tonight, with as little as one person remaining. So technically, there was a possibility that fifteen to fourteen of us would be broadcasted dead within just a couple of weeks, days even. 

The entire thing was a bittersweet notion. Thinking that all of us were so unique. Convincing ourselves that these so-called “Ultimates” were our own. Giving in to sweet, delirious delusion all just to escape the lame, boring reality we all once lived. None of them knew though. Right now. None of them knew. They all just thought this was normal life. They were all in fact, Ultimates, destined to help the world with their individual talents. It was sad how already, most of us were gone. How no one was the same person. How everyone was...lost. Of course, all these horrible memories came back to me in the worst of moments. Kaito was no longer Kaito. He is the Ultimate Astronaut, Luminary of the Stars, as he called himself. Maki was no longer Maki. She was (formerly) the Ultimate Babysitter, and then the Ultimate Assassin. Miu was no longer Miu. She was the Ultimate Inventor. Kiibo was no longer Kiibo. He is K1-B0, otherwise known as the Ultimate Robot. I snickered at the thought. Of course he’d suggest his Ultimate to be something so ridiculous. Kirumi was no longer Kirumi. She was the Ultimate Maid. Gonta was no longer Gonta. He was the Ultimate Entomologist. Shumai was no longer Shumai. He is the Ultimate Detective. He is Shuichi Saihara. He is no longer someone I actually knew. None of them were. I wasn’t who I knew either. I really am not Kokichi Ouma. I am just, the Ultimate Supreme Leader, of a “secret organization” otherwise known as a prank group for kids my own age, known as D.I.C.E. 

No one was the same anymore. As reality started to kick in, I looked up, awaiting my fate. The hydraulic press is just inches - no, centimeters - away from my body now. Maybe in my past life, I _was_ boring. And the thought of, _Shuichi never explained what he meant by ‘feelings,’_ still stayed ever present in my head. He would...never know how _I_ feel. At least Shuichi had Kaito now. Now....no one stayed to my right side. The metallicy,dimming hydraulic press, was nothing like those bright,yet boring hospital lights. They’ll remember me for Kokichi Ouma, Ultimate Supreme Leader, not Kokichi Ouma, the boy who only had friends out of pure luck, I suppose. They’d remember me for being troublesome and rowdy, something that I never was before. Well, maybe I was still troublesome in my own ways before. But at least here, in this twisted Killing Game known as Danganronpa, I wasn’t boring. I closed my eyes gently, smiling and thought, _Isn’t that right everyone?_ _At least I wasn’t boring_. 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: the 1st fanfic I’ve written that I’ve completed that wasn’t a oneshot AND wasn’t romance centric :) I even went back and edited it to make sure the story was in past tense up until the end lmao, took only like two days to edit(watch there still be typos bruh) ya think Kokichi would be proud? Idk lmao, anyways, kinda proud, kinda not, it got really fast paced at the end, that’s my bad, hope it was an entertaining read tho :D <3


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